I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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