so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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