i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
