All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
