it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
