please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
