I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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