Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
