they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
