ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
