so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
