Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Banned from zoo.
Again?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
