Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You are the jesus of drinking
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
