we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
