Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I hope mine doesn't look like that
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
