I showed him my bush... on skype.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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