Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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