there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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