Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
