I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
