Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
