if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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