So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
