dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
