Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
