Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
