Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm both gender and math confused
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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