R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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