...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
