I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
