can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize