it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
