Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
