sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
