Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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