Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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