So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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