Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
