Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
