hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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