there's paper in my vomit.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
