I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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