Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
