the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
