I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
