its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
