I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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