he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
