i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
