I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
