so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
